Dear Nicole, I am very pleased to have finally taken the time to read My Single Space. I am curious about what you think about single women over 65 yrs (I'm 69 yrs young!!) meeting/dating men--for friendship and/or romance???Lots of people think we should "fuggedaboutit!" Thanks, MiMi
Dear Mimi,
If I had a penny for every time I've heard the comment that women over 50 are too old for love, I would be a millionaire...or at least a thousandaire. The saddest thing is that both men and women in their 50's, 60's and beyond are particularly susceptible to the flawed philosophy that there is no one out there for them and that dating, romance and friendship is a ship that has sailed. Personally, I believe nothing could be further from the truth. Here is why... Based on a population clock maintained by the U.S. Census Bureau, the current U.S. population, as of October 17, 2009 is 307,720,727. As for aging, people age 65 and over make up 15% of the U.S. population and 30% of those individuals are divorced or widowed. One in five U.S. residents will be at least 65 in 2050 and the number of people over 85 is expected to more than triple from 5.4 million to 19 million. According to these calculations, there are currently over 13 million single people over the age of 65 in the U.S. alone. According to the US Census fact sheet women begin to outnumber men as they get older. Over the age of 65+, there are 73 men for every 100 women, and over the age of 85, there are 48 men for every 100 women. That leaves women with a minimum of 3.1 million potential mates to choose from. If you're interested in dating or creating meaningful friendships with men younger than 65 then your options are 10 times greater. The question is how can you come in contact with quality single men? Before you start your search for romance it's worthwhile to first do a brief exercise.Think of what you'd like to see happen in your personal life in the next six months, one year and five years? How does a life companion or husband fit into this picture? What changes will you have to make in your lifestyle? How will you spend your money? How will you spend your leisure time? What do you want the vision of your life to look like? What is it you hope to get from a relationship with a new mate? What are you bringing to the relationship? What do you hope to get from the relationship? Most importantly, do you embody and emanate the qualities and characteristics that you hope to find in a mate? If not, then you may have some work to do on yourself first to optimize your chances of attracting what you really want. How do I go about doing this, you ask? First, ask yourself what characteristics you seek in a mate. Does he have to be honest, caring, an excellent communicator, etc? Write down a list of the 10 most important qualities you seek in your future husband. When you are finished writing down the list, ask yourself how you demonstrate each of these qualities in your personal or professional life. Still not sure which qualities you admire or want to cultivate in yourself? Find a role model. Someone who inspires you to be your absolute best. Someone who has what you want - physically, mentally, spiritually. How do you find a role model? What do you love doing? I love triathlon competitions. I found my role model by getting online and researching all the great triathletes.Another great way to gain confidence is by achieving goals - big or small. Positive action is the enemy of fear. Prior to venturing out into the dating world, try to lose that 5 pounds that has been bothering you for years, take an improv class to get over your shyness. You get the picture. When you are ready, you may want to get your feet wet by going online and trying www.singlesover50.org and www.eharmony.com. Don't feel discouraged if you don't find a suitable prospect right away. Finding a quality companion takes time. Also, find a supportive group of friends who are in similar circumstances and if you can't find such a group, go ahead and create one on www.meetup.com. Good luck on your journey MiMi and please keep me posted on your progress! Love and friendship awaits you.
