Resources:
DePaulo, Bella, Ph.D. (2007) Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and still live Happily Ever After. A must read for anyone who wants to understand the pervasive bias that exists for single adults in America. Written with passion, humor, and an impressive attention to facts (not assumptions),the author carefully takes the myths associated with "being single" (e.g. being single means being lonely) and clarifies the actual facts and insights from research. (www.BellaDePaulo.com)
Imber-Black, E., & Robers, J. (1992) Rituals for Our Times. Harper Collins. The authors help you identify rituals and offers practical suggestions and ideas for incorporating more of them into your life.
Lewis, K. G. (2001) With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives. Bull Publishing Company. Based on a careful review of research and literature, as well as her own research, Lewis constructs a ‘life stage model” that includes never married singles, “…people who move back and forth between single-hood and married-hood…as well as heterosexual and homosexual couples who live together without a legal marriage” p. 38.
Schwartzberg, N., Berliner,K., & Jacob, D.(l995). Single in a Married World: A Life Cycle Framework for Working with the Unmarried Adult. W.W. Norton. Although written over ten years ago and for therapists, this book provides an excellent discussion of the cultural, historical, social, and familial framework within which our identity and sense of ourselves as single people is shaped. Discussions include both single women as well as single men as they face challenges in feeling fully adult.
Stone, Kay C., (1992) Single in the Church: New Ways to Minister with 52% of God’s People. Alban Institute. The founder and national director of SoloFlight Ministries with Single Adults, the author carefully examines research about single adults within church communities, and the importance of ritual, liturgy, and programming in grounding meaning. Has also initiated the SoloFlight Program, a yearly weekend retreat for singles at Kanuga, NC.
Trimberger, Kay., (2005) The New Single Woman. Beacon Press.
Based on qualitatively studying the personal stories of 27 long term single women, ages 30-60, Trimberger found that contentment had less to do with marital status and more to do with having grown up in a happy family. Indeed, the women who were long term single had developed skills at relationships and had been able to find real intimacy within their networks of family and friends, as well as a sense of belonging in their communities. As they had become older, wiser, more financially secure, and feeling part of a growing trend (the proportion of single women between the ages of 35-59 are single is now 25%), these women had become more accepting of being single. Provides an especially valuable perspective for women under 35, who may worry about the presumed loneliness and lack of fulfillment in being (and growing older) alone.
Xavier, A., & Kiersky, J. (1998) Being Single in a Couples’ World: How to be Happily Single While Looking for Love. Free Press. Written for both men and women, it contains exercises to that help the single person write his or her “Personal and Cultural Marriage Scripts” as well as a section on “Avoiding Friendly Fire” which are assaults accidentally launched against single people by loved ones who are trying to be helpful (p 165).
The Alternatives to Marriage Project is a national nonprofit organization advocating for equality and fairness for unmarried people, including people who are single, who choose not to marry, cannot marry, or live together before marriage. In addition to resources and bibliographies pertaining to heterosexual singles, has a section for Gay, Lesbian, Bi, and Transexual singles. It also has short articles of interest to single people (for example, how to prepare for holiday conversations).
The American Association for Single People (AASP) began as an advocacy group for single people and created the site Unmarried America, a nonprofit information service. The online library provides "a searchable database of more than 6,500 pages of economic, political, legal, social and demographic information about marital satus, singles' rights, family diversity, and domestic partner benefits." A weekly newspaper column also appears on the website.
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